Have you seen her?
by MacyV
Summary: Why seeing a familiar face in the crowd always makes Zack uneasy.


Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Angel.

Note: English isn't my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes and errors.

New York is his favorite city. Too many people, too many buildings. It's easy to blend in and easy to make a quick exit. He finds out he likes walking around town, losing himself in streets with building too decaying to be inhabited, but that still are. He also likes to watch people, studying the way they behave and interact. Maybe it's because he needs to learn. Maybe it's because he wants to know if life is as bad for other as it is for him.

Most days he would walk around, get a burger and sneak into Central Park to eat peacefully under a tree. A few months after the pulse people couldn't afford gas, so they started cutting down the city's trees to keep warm and cook whatever they had. So before it happened again the Mayor decided to close most of the city's urban parks. Central Park was the only one that continues virtually intact, because all the rich people contribute generously for its maintenance, regular repairs on the fences and private security to keep trespassers away. In return they have unlimited access to the park. But fences and security guards aren't a challenge for Zack, so he would often go in and enjoy the quiet for a hour.

But he just keeps on going, studying the people that walk around him. Across the street he spots some kids playing on an alley and he wonders how his siblings are. Zane's the closest, being stationed in Chicago. Brin's next, in Cleveland. He likes to keep his siblings no more than 400 miles apart, just in case he'll be too far and won't be there in time to help. Zane doesn't like the cold that much and has been asking to be relocated. Maybe he'll pair him with Jondy in California, Brin could probably go up north a little more into Canada and be safe. That girl really loves the cold, always claiming that winter clothes made her feel cozy. But Zack doesn't like to wear too many layers of clothe so he doesn't get it. A clean shirt, jeans and leather jacket, and on special occasions one of Brin's handmade wool scarfs, is enough for him.

Today there's some street performer in Union Square and he decides to stay and watch. There are musicians, dancers, artisans, but what gets his attentions is a group of contortionists. All the persons around look impress, but he's not, Jondy and Tinga can do more and better. Back at Manticore most of them wondered if they even had bones at all, until the doctors decided to break one bone in everyone to see how quick they recovered. Jondy got a broken leg and Tinga had all her right fingers broken in more than one place. Knowing that his sisters are safe made him smile, thing he doesn't do often comparing to other people, even comparing to his brothers and sisters. Freedom suit them, but he isn't so sure it suits him. He feels worthless outside, not being able to live to the full extents of his abilities and not knowing what to aim for in his future. So he holds on to the only thing he knows, being the commanding officer of his unit, the escapees.

His chain of thoughts is broken when a girl catches his attention. Not only for being beautiful, but because the traces of her face are incredibly familiar to him. Her hair is totally covered by her beanie, but he knows it's blonde, the same way he knows that her pale skin isn't just from the cold air and that from all the people in the square none would see the rage behind her grayish-blue eyes expect for him. He knows he won't find any memory of meeting her before, because he never had. Because that's what he hopes she would look like if she was alive. Not too tall, soft features and a strong gaze. Somehow he always pictures her losing her kindness, becoming too serious like him and helping him handle the rest of them. Maybe she would be able to talk to Ben, help him find a purpose in life so he wouldn't be so restless. Maybe the guilt that consumes Zack would stop and he would be able to breathe just a little bit easier. But those are simply wishes he'll never see fulfill. He's still staring at her, when for a second the girl acknowledges his gaze on her and all the possibilities become so real that he has to walk away. He doesn't need a ghost haunting him, his reality is already hard enough.

The apartment he rented is one of the best he ever stayed at. Top floor, open space, comfortable furniture, multiple exit choices. Zack managed to pay a guy he knew was an arms dealer to rent the apartment for him. One of the first things he learned on the outside was that kids couldn't do much by themselves. But two more years and he would be an adult at the eyes of the law, not needing to pay adults to do things for him. He doesn't bother to turn on the lights, he already memorized the place. Besides night vison is one of the blessings of Manticore. He throws the old leather jacket on the bed and stares at his reflection on the mirror. Already the body of a grown man, but lacking the experience to pretend it. He turns around to get something to eat, his stomach already making its need known. At first he doesn't understand. She is standing there, on the middle of his living room, and second after he is being slam against the wall so hard the bricks on the wall shatter under his head. She's closer to him now and her face becomes more than a distant memory, becomes real. He refocuses his vision hoping it was the blow to the head had left him confuse. But she's still there. Her eyes as cold as in his dreams, haunting him, blaming him. The next time she lunges at him, he grabs her fist, clutching as hard as he can to measure the reality of what's happening. Lydecker's voice echoes in his mind _You're stronger, she's faster. Get her close and don't let go._ She swings her other fist at him, but he grabs it and he pulls her closer. And she's inches away. Every trace in her face is exactly what he imagined. She throws her head against his and he sees locks of her golden hair pass by as he lets go. It's not a surprise to him when she punches him again and again, until he falls to the ground and spits blood. She backs away letting him get up. It wouldn't be a fair fight, beating your opponent when he's down.

But he's ready now, up to his feet and forgetting the ghost that stands in front of him. They circle each other, waiting for the first move. He knows he has to wait for her to lung first. And she does, trying to kick him in his side. He catches her leg and throws her into the bookshelf nearby. Grabbing her by the neck, Zack brings her up to his eye lever. She quickly jams her leg on his ribs and he knows the cracking sound is a rib breaking. But he doesn't let go, he channels his anger and throws her into the wall. Before he can catch his breath she's already striking back, but he blocks her punches and spins her around, keeping her in a headlock. She squirms and elbows him repeatedly, but he doesn't let go. _Don't let go_, Lydecker's voice keeps the pain away as she tries to hit the cracked rib. But nothing can keep away the pain when she stabs him in the leg. She breaks away from him with an amused look in her eyes while wiping the blood off her forehead. And waits for him to make a move.

Fighting an X5 is harder than fighting a regular man, the blows are harder and struck on the exact location it'll do more damage, the intensity of the fight would burn out any regular man in the first minute. He takes is time strategizing the next move and catching his breath. Somehow both kick at the same time, he blocks hers but his kick hits her stomach making her double in pain. Without wasting time, he punches her as hard as he can, sending her to the ground. But when he is going to puncher again, she loops her legs around his arm, twisting it and pressing her feet against his neck, blocking his windpipe. He knows he'll pass out if she keeps holding on to him and he slams her as hard as he can against the floor. She only lets go at the second time, but catches him by surprise when she kicks him in the chest. He flies into the glass dinner table, making glass fly everywhere. There's no time to think about pain when she's already pulling him by the air out of table's frame. Disoriented, he swings a piece of glass at her, only cutting her superficially on the arm. But she doesn't flinch, instead she twists his arm until it's dislocated as punishment and throws him into the living room. Over the pain his mind registers how ruthless she has become. She's not kind anymore.

She stands over him, resentment all over her bleeding face. He can barely see her, his right eye is too swollen and his left eye too bloody making his vision blur. He feels her crouching next to him and all hope abandons him. She'll take him back.

"Eva…" he gasps for air, his ribs hurt too much to breath.

"You're not strong enough to take care of then. My death is meaningless if you can't keep them safe." she slams his head one more time against the floor and he loses all perception of reality. "You have to get stronger. They'll come for you. All of you. You have to fight harder." her voice seems like an old memory as he slips into unconsciousness.

He wakes up still in the apartment. Everything is broken, especially him. He lays back over what he presumes was the coffee table and wonders why she left him there. The neighbors haven't called the police, otherwise they had already been there, asking question and making the situation harder than it is. Using the strength he has left, he stumbles to the bathroom. Probably the only room that was intact. Taking his clothe is something he thought would be easier, but the fabrics are painfully attached to his body through shattered glass and splinters of wood. He can't remember the last time he was so beaten, so helpless. For a moment he wishes he could call someone, but can't admit to have been caught off guard. So he sits silently popping his shoulder back in place and picking the bits and pieces nailed to his skin. He feels better with cold water running through his body, somehow dulling the pain and the shame. And he remembers what she told him before he passed out.

_You're not strong enough to take care of then. My death is meaningless if you can´t keep them safe._

Next time he'll be ready. He'll be better. He'll be stronger. Next time he'll defeat his ghost.


End file.
